Let Them Figure It Out

One of the hardest things for adults to do is step back and let a child struggle long enough to figure something out for themselves.  Our instincts tell us to help, to remind, to explain, or to fix the problem quickly. But sometimes the very help we offer prevents young people from developing the problem-solving muscles they need most.

They were lining up to go outside. The Spark learners were changing out of their indoor slippers in favor of their outdoor shoes. Our newest learner—just 3½ years old—was standing in line in his sock feet. He is the youngest of three children, and one of his older brothers is also in his studio. His brother, doing exactly what a caring and protective brother would do, kept trying to remind him of everything he needed to do to get ready to go outside.

The guide gently turned to the older brother and said, “Let him figure it out.”

Moments like this are easy to overlook, but they matter. When others constantly remind a child what to do next, the child can begin to depend on those reminders instead of developing the habit of thinking through the process for themselves. The goal isn’t perfection—it’s helping them build the internal checklist that will serve them long after someone else is there to prompt them.

Then she turned to the new learner and asked, “Are you forgetting anything?”

He thought for a moment and then ran to get his raincoat. (It wasn’t raining.)

She asked again, “Are you forgetting anything else?”

He looked up at her questioningly. She left it at that.

We both stood and watched as the children made their way outside. He almost made it down the steps when we heard him exclaim, “My shoes! I forgot my shoes!”

He quickly came back inside to remedy the situation.

And just like that…he figured it out.

I’ve been ruminating on this moment.

Because it represents something adults struggle with constantly.

How often do we steal opportunities from young people to figure things out for themselves and learn through trial and error—something humans have done since the beginning of time?

Well-intentioned adults and older siblings are quick to see a need and swoop in to help or to “teach” how something should be done. But in doing so, are we actually creating dependence rather than independence?

I sometimes wonder if this plays a role in the differences we see in life skills between siblings. (Yes, this is a generalization—every family is different.) Older children often end up doing so much for the younger ones that the younger ones never have to struggle through figuring things out themselves. Meanwhile, the oldest children are often seen as the “responsible” ones because they  learned those skills earlier on their own. 

But children come into the world as natural problem-solvers.

Infants do not need to be taught how to sit up, crawl, or walk. They test their balance, fall over, and try again. They pull themselves up on furniture to practice standing before they ever attempt those first wobbly steps.

They figure it out.

Children are also incredibly resourceful. When they have an idea in mind, they use whatever materials they can find—often in ways adults would never imagine—to create the tools or inventions they need.

Maria Montessori once wrote: “Never help a child with a task at which he feels he can succeed.”

The struggle is not the problem.

The struggle is the learning.

Psychologist Angela Duckworth, known for her research on grit, describes perseverance as one of the strongest predictors of long-term success. Children develop perseverance not by having life made easier for them, but by facing challenges and discovering that they can overcome them.

Problem-solving is like a muscle. It only grows when it is used.

I remember becoming responsible for cooking family dinner most nights when I was around 11 or 12 years old. I have no memories of my mom formally teaching me how to cook or spending time cooking together in the kitchen.

Instead, during that season of our family life, I would come home from school to find a recipe on the counter and some type of thawed animal protein waiting for me—with the understanding that I could figure it out.

And I did.

Of course, there were mistakes along the way.

Like the night I learned the difference between evaporated milk and sweetened condensed milk. Note to self: sweetened condensed milk renders broccoli cheese soup completely inedible. We ate toast for dinner that night.

But I learned.

I see the same thing happening with my own children.

My oldest son recently decided he wanted to produce electronic Brazilian Phonk music. Using money he earned from his 3D printing business, he bought the software himself and taught himself how to use it. He also figured out how to create his own YouTube music channel, upload his songs, and edit his videos.

No one taught him how to do any of that.

He figured it out.

And the confidence that comes from figuring something out on your own is very different from the confidence that comes from being shown every step.

Educational researcher Peter Gray, who studies self-directed learning, has written that children are “designed by nature to educate themselves,” given the freedom and responsibility to do so.

Sometimes the most powerful thing an adult can do is simply step back.

I am certainly not saying there is never a place for someone to come alongside a child and show them how to do something. In our house, I wanted my children to know how to properly wash dishes, clean toilets, sweep, and vacuum.

But I would challenge you to try something different the next time a child is struggling with a problem.

Instead of jumping in, try saying: “I trust you to figure that out.”

And then give them the space to do exactly that.

If they want it badly enough, they will.

Giving young people the room to struggle, experiment, and figure things out without adults “fixing” things for them is just one of the many ways Acton Academy does things differently.

It’s also one of the reasons traditional teachers don’t always thrive as Acton guides.  The instinct to over-explain and “teach” runs deep. But when adults constantly step in to show the way, even with the best intentions, we unintentionally rob learners of the chance to discover solutions for themselves.

At Invictus: An Acton Academy, we believe something different.

Children are capable of far more than most traditional systems allow.

And sometimes the most powerful thing we can do is simply give them the space to figure it out.

If you’ve ever wondered what learning could look like when young people are trusted with real responsibility, you might find yourself drawn to the Acton model.

Because when children are trusted with meaningful challenges and the freedom to solve them, something powerful begins to happen.

They discover what they are capable of.

And once a young person discovers that…

there is no limit to what they can figure out next.

About Invictus: An Acton Academy

Invictus: An Acton Academy in Liberty Hill, Texas is a learner-driven microschool serving families who are looking for something different from traditional education. Part of the global Acton Academy network, our studios empower young people to take ownership of their learning, solve real problems, and build the habits, character, and independence needed for meaningful lives.